Zorba the Hutt (zorbathut) wrote,
Zorba the Hutt
zorbathut

  • Mood:
strange day today.

Went down to Harkness eat dinner with Marta. Turned out it was naked day. So we sat down, and Marta took her shirt off and so did I. Then a few people were getting irked at the almost total lack of nakedness, so they left to create the Naked Table, where nakedness was mandatory, so Marta and I followed them.

*shrug* when in rome.

other news . . . won $300 in the Saturday topcoder.com competition - I'm now in 23rd place. In a competition or two, with any luck, I'll go yellow, which will put me quite solidly and visibly in the top 15.

Wonder if I can manage red. If I can pull off a consistent red, that'd put me in 1st or 2nd place, as there's only one other person on the site who can hold red.

still lonely. even with all the fantastic people I know, the dozen or more I'd ask out, the three or four I would claim to love (not-going-out-with/not-able-to-trust-completely love, but still far more than just friendship) . . . even with all that, I can't really look at anyone and honestly believe I have even the slightest chance.

if I asked you out, what would you say?

all I originally wanted was someone to curl up with and a shoulder to cy on. That's really all I wanted. And I got that, and then they tore me to shreds . . . and now I feel myself falling apart again on a weekly basis, and I need someone I can tell everything to and curl up with every night and cry and . . . someone who cares enough about me to want to patch me up, and someone I can trust enough to tell them what they need to know to patch me up, and someone . . . *sigh* I don't know how to write the last one.

and if you knew what it meant, would you still go out with me?

Someone I can rely on?
Someone I can trust to be there for me?
Someone I don't have to share?

Someone who's in love with me enough that they'll be there for me whatever it takes.

And I'd be there for them even more, of course . . . if I ever meet someone like that again, I won't make the same mistake. I won't let self-preservation get in the way . . . I'll destroy myself before I allow them to be hurt in any way.

and if you knew what I'd sacrifice, would you let me fall in love with you?

and if you knew how much it could hurt me, would you ever let it start?
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