Zorba the Hutt (zorbathut) wrote,
Zorba the Hutt

life, life, life, life, and life

. . . continues. unchanged unchanging.

well, a little changed, always changing, friendships wax and wane and mutual hesitation gives way and so forth.

I find myself a bit frustrated . . . six days left . . . it's been two weeks and I haven't spent more than three hours with her. With any luck we'll spend time tomorrow, but, well . . . the last time she said she'd spend time with me, it stretched until long past midnight, then finally we got a few hours together. which isn't what I was hoping for, I was hoping to actually get to know her better. And I'd be talking to her directly, but whenever I try she's doing five things and talking with her friends and what am I going to do, drag her out in the middle and say "pay attention to me instead?" which is ironic because a lot of those same friends are going to read this, but I'm a hypocrite or something. (maybe I would tell this to her directly . . . but I don't even know where she is now.)

and this whole spending-time-with-me thing, that's the part that hurts, because I've done this once. I've done this twice. And those two times it completely failed and I ended up shattered. is this going to be the third?

I hope not . . . or I would . . . but I'm still not hoping.

blah. I would consider posting this so that she and friends couldn't see it, or something, but that would be dishonest in some ways and she asked me to tell her and I know she'll see this and, well . . . yeah.

just can't think right at the moment, it seems.
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