life is mostly good.
okay, life is mostly spectacular.
But only mostly.
I'm wondering if I can love. I'm realizing that I haven't really fallen in love, or really been in love, for . . . half a year. or so. maybe more. I mean, I've loved people. Platonic. And lusted. Sexual. But . . . I dunno. I don't have any memory of romantic. Maybe the want for romantic, but . . . I don't know.
Which is kind of depressing. I mean . . . I want that again. I remember how it felt, and, well . . . there is nothing to compare to it. Period. Yes, it's fantastic to have friends . . . especially really really close friends. Especially in the way I seem to be managing astonishingly frequently. Just . . . yeah.
It's weird. I'm complaining that my life is orders of magnitude better than I ever really expected. But, dammit -
I want love.
I just wish I knew where to find it.