So basically, here's the thing I ended up thinking about . . . it's that I want a lover. Yes, in all the normal senses of that word. And, grrr, I'm *not* just horny - actually, I'm not even all that horny period. I just want someone I can give a fair amount of pleasure to. I haven't been able to do that sort of thing . . . sigh.
I remember when I could give my ex-gf at least some pleasure, I remember her smile and I remember cuddling with her. And I miss that. I miss . . . just holding someone for a while. Yeah, that's it, I think.
And I thought cuddlers were sought-after, in theory - oh, what I would give to be able to curl up with someone in front of a fire.
A long while back I took one of those online personality tests - Sensuality Test, I believe it was. I got something around high-80s, as I remember.
This is someone who has to rotate the covers on his bed every week or so or he can't get to sleep because the current blanket doesn't feel right.
I need someone . . . and there isn't anyone.
Well . . . there are two people I could ask out. One of which I'm about 95% sure is impossible, one of which is a few hundred miles away . . . and is probably impossible also. Gaaah.
Where do you find people who would happily snuggle for hours?
(*and* idly chat about computer programming and other demented subjects at the same time. Oh, stop dreaming, Zorba, you'll just depress yourself.)