April 7th, 2001


random pain

sigh. I wish I was over this. I don't want it to hurt anymore - I don't want my ex to have any sort of power over me, and yet she still does. some. not much.

Running through my entire Spiderbait collection, I randomly notice that the next track is titled "Hawaiian Nights". And why does this hurt? I don't know . . . well . . . I do know . . . it's because I was here trying to keep my world from disintegrating into splinters around me, while she was . . . off with hawaiian nights.

Ironically, the way in which it hurts most is probably circular - it hurts, so clearly I'm not fully repaired, so I need someone to repair me, but I don't want to risk putting too much weight on them. Which I might do, if I end up with Aerith . . . sigh. Forgive me, Aerith, if you read this. But I have to try, and perhaps it'll fix itself.

How does Spiderbait manage to capture strange thoughts so well? Every time I listen, there's something that means something to me :/

"'cause I've got so many things I'd rather do
and I'd like to go and do them without you"
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