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Saturday, July 28th, 2001
4:14a
"I continue to want to have myself pay for my crimes for all the pain I've caused Hilary"

(from here)

. . . and that's what I'm doing too, really, I'm repaying for the pain I caused my ex, even if I didn't actually cause any - at this point, it really doesn't make any difference. I know I owe some people such a huge life debt, and the only way I can repay them is by helping them with the same things they showed me . . . how to heal, how to gain trust, how to talk to people. Only turning it outwards instead of having it turned on me.

It's not really just payment, it's . . . owing the universe.

Of course, he's talking about something different, but . . .

why can't I empathize with males as well? I just plain don't know what to say - I can find a female's journal, and say a few things, and within a week they trust me like they trust nobody else, and I'll never betray them.

sigh. I want to help this guy also, of course, yet I have no idea whatsoever how, and somehow it's different when you share friends - there's always the feeling that it'll Get Back To Someone It Shouldn't. Because I've known his friends longer than I've known him, so . . .

probably nothing I can do but show support.

I remember I used to do stuff like that . . . be with friends, then be down when I got back, just because of the contrast. Hey, I'm happy, I'm with friends, everything's good! and suddenly thrunch. I'm not, I'm with my mom again and everything sucks.

Was unfun. very very unfun.

wish I could help.

(1 comment |comment on this)

10:10p - how to detect new programmers
<DDODDH> i have no errors now, but i got something weird "Segmentation fault"
<DDODDH> what does that mean
<DDODDH> ?

For those who don't know, "segmentation fault" is Linux's way of saying "you screwed up and did something you shouldn't have." And it's one of those things that intermediate programmers learn to dread.

(Advanced programmers have much nastier things to deal with Think about it - if it crashes, you know where it crashed. If it just fails subtlely and outputs wrong results, *that* gets nasty.)

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