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Tuesday, July 31st, 2001
3:47a
I suppose I could just post this twice, but then the comments will be all wonky. Posted an amusing entry to roleplayers - at least, I hope it's amusing :) Entry link here.

In other news . . . I don't seem to be posting much. I've been having massive mood swings, it seems . . . oh, hold on, lemme explain.

See, there's this girl.

And how many people out there *didn't* expect that to be the next line? :P really, you ought to know me better than that . . .

But anyway. There's this girl :) Who is wonderful. I don't remember enough about when I met my ex anymore to compare well . . . but we get along *wonderfully*. long rambling conversations about everything and anything. I mean, one conversation, and it lasted, like, >1/2hr, and would've lasted longer except I had to go help my mom with math homework. This girl is great. Yeah, maybe she's not *perfect*, but she's close close close. And she likes me! At least as a friend. Which is fantastic, and all. *and* she comes from my hometown, *and* she goes to the same college as I do (which is how I met her), and really, do I have to say anything more?

And then, of course, it all turns around on me, because, really, why would she want me? And how can I think that I can be with her? Now, hold on, before I get a flood of replies saying "but you're a good person!", lemme explain a little. See, she's theater, and I'm computer. Basically. And . . . just One Of Those Things seems to be computer people can talk sort of one-on-one with people in other fields. I mean, I wouldn't understand, say, high-level econ, or high-level math, immediately. But I could start picking it up, and I could provide enough of a foil for people to bounce things off of, which is something I like doing.

But it don't work the other way around. I can rant on about how cool it is that you can do template polymorphism, only it won't *mean* anything until I explain templates pretty well. And polymorphism. And data structures, and at least a little object-oriented theory. It all builds on itself so quickly, and it doesn't parallel anything in the Real World all that well.

So, and I come back to where I was, why would she be interested in me?

heh, reading over this, it sounds like I was leading up to "but I wouldn't be able to talk to her about what *I'M* interested in" . . . and while that would be nice, if I restricted my relationships to *that*, I'd have so so so few prospects that I'd probably just give up now. So I don't.

And the other thing . . . which is that I don't know if she's been damaged. And, really . . . can an undamaged person really understand a damaged person? I don't know. Could she realize that if I say something like "I need you" I'm only saying it out of pure desperation, that I'm likely to hold her and cry for an hour because I can't do anything else?

. . . and of course, the answer to that is pretty much no . . .

but I might try anyway. Maybe it would work out.

(but she's so unattainable!) Well . . . maybe *much* later . . . there are others who I want to be with also, who are safer in the way that I already know we can talk and hopefully help each other. So maybe later.

life is strange, it is . . .

On a completely different note, I think I did something odd to a tendon or a nerve in my hand while taking off one of the bracelets I made in jewelry class - I definitely tweaked something, and now my fingers are tingling a bit, and are, gack, insanely sensitive. For me, that's saying a lot - I'm already uberphysicallysensitive. Actually, I'm not sure they're tingling more than Feeling Everything - all those little hidden things that generally get filtered out. Weird. Anyway . . . guess that's it for the night.

(12 comments |comment on this)

8:49p
I have an utterly insane idea for a music video.

Avi, you need to encode Six String Samurai into something I can use at school, i.e., high-quality divx or something :)

(4 comments |comment on this)

9:21p
Survey I'm doing because of the entire first section's answer ^^

1. Do you own any plaid clothing?: Nope.
2. Do you own Converse shoes?: Nope.
3. Do you own Saucony shoes?: Nope.
4. Do you own old school Nikes?: Nope.
5. Do you wear tight pants?: Nope.
6. Is there more than one zipper in your pants?: Nope.
7. Do you know what a squatter flap is?: Nope.
8. Do you own a messenger bag?: Nope.
9. Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest?: Nope.
10. Do you own braces?: Nope.
11. Are braces worn anywhere besides the mouth?: Nope.
12. Do you have short, shaggy hair?: Nope.
13. Does your hairstyle exceed a height of 3 inches?: Nope.
14. Would you classify your hair as a deadly weapon?: Nope.
15. Do you think mohawks are "neat"?: Nope.
16. Is your hair black or red?: Nop . . . I mean . . . Black.
17. Do you have a favorite brand of hair dye?: . . . Nope.
18. Do you own a bandana?: Nope.
19. Do you wear plugs in your ears?: Nope.
20. Are you amused by safety pins?: Nope.
21. Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute?: Nope.
22. Do you own one or more objects with studs or spikes in them?: Nope.
23. Do you own one or more articles of clothing from Dogpile, Lip Service, or Tiger of London?: Nope.
24. Do you enjoy leopard print?: Yes. Yes I do.

(note: the only reason I don't use duct tape as a sewing substitute is because I don't mind holes, and duct tape falls off. And mohawks are interesting. But it wasn't worth stopping the train of nopes :) )

(now, on to more interesting questions!)

HABITS/BELIEFS:

25. Are you disgruntled (having a general hate for everything)?: Who isn't?
26. Are you an anarchist?: Vaguely, I think.
27. Does the American flag anger you?: No, not especially.
28. Are you "working class"?: That involves working. Absolutely not.
29. Do you dislike "preps"?: And where exactly would I see them?
30. Do you dislike Hot Topic?: wuzzat?
31. Do you smoke cigarettes?: Nope.
32. Do you smoke cloves?: Nope.
33. Are you a thin waif?: Nope. (here we go again.)
34. Are you vegan/vegetarian?: Nope.
35. Do you think meat is murder?: Nope.
36. Do your nighttime activities usually involve drunken underage vomiting?: Nope.
37. Have you ever slept in an alley or park?: Nope.
38. Do you wash your hair less than once a week?: Sometimes. If it's not too hot and sticky.
39. Have you ever gone a week without a shower?: See above. Taking a shower involves washing hair :P
40. Have you ever been avoided due to your odor?: Not that I'm aware of.
41. Do you know who Jack Kerouac is?: Sometimes. Not at the moment :)
42. Do you like Mr. Kerouac?: dunno.
43. Should Mumia Abu-jamal be freed from prison?: Who?
44. Are you a member of the Makeout Club?: What?

SPEECH:
45. Do you say "rad"?: Sometimes :)
46. Do you say "rockin'"?: See above.
47. Do you say punk "rawk"?: Occasionally ;)
48. Do you spout the word "oi" at random times?: Uh-huh.
49. Do you say "punk's not dead"?: I haven't, but I could. I'd be doing a bad Mystery Men quote though.
50. Do you say "punk is dead"?: I do not.

Last and least important-MUSIC:
51. Do you like bands with "." in their name?: Not more than any other.
52. Do you like bands with "theory" in their name?: See above.
53. Do you like bands with "the"?: See above.
54. Do you ever precede your own name with "the" at the beginning?: Only when I'm in a particularly weird mood.
55. Do you like bands with the F word in their name or album title?: See two questions above.
56. Do you think "Christian punk" is an oxymoron?: No more so than Christian Rock.
57. Are Blink 182 fans "posers"?: Huh?
58. Do you have frequent debates over what exactly constitutes a sellout?: No, but I could.
59. Have you ever brought the headlining band food?: Nope.
60. Do you have show flyers affixed to your walls?: Uh-uh.

Well, this has been a rather dull survey ;)

(5 comments |comment on this)


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