|Friday, August 31st, 2001|
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. You feed them sheep's brains and
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. At first the government regulates what
you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to
milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and
pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull which you use
to breed the other cow as well as every other cow in the area. Then
you start exporting sperm from the bull to emerging markets. After
several years of expansion, your company issues an IPO to be listed
on the NYSE. The SEC eventually intends legal proceedings against
you and your spouse for insider trading. After a lengthy court
battle, you are found guilty and sentenced to 10 years in prison, of
which you actually serve 7 weeks. When you come out of prison, you buy
2 chickens. Then,....
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax
deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred
via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly
owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows'
milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are
deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with
an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng
shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have 2 cows. The government bans you from
milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have 2 cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: Your have 2 cows. The government takes them and
denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of
"ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongerism, intolerant
past) 2 differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like ... these 2 cows, man. You got
to have some of this milk!
SURREALISM: You have 2 giraffes. The government requires you to take
current mood: amused
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