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Thursday, October 4th, 2001
2:45a
it's at times like this I really wish I could draw. Only this would be absurdly ambitious since I'd actually be drawing the music video ;)

oh well.

maybe someday?

bah. only if I get off my butt and start actually doing drawing >_<

mrrr. thoughts thoughts . . . I've gotta do this minor rewrite of retro, set it up so that rasters need to be locked (and in the process, make it a bit harder to use admittedly, but far far easier to track computationally). Then I can plug the whole 3d thing in with little effort - and it'll actually be a *lot* easier to rebuild than I thought.

then . . . then what?

then I've got audio. but I can procrastinate on that. (just watch me.)

I wonder how many of my ideas I'll ever get to.

(plays the music video over again in his head)

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3:41a - cutting loose
So I was watching this movie the name of which I will not repeat because I need to explain a bit about the ending. (If you know the movie, and give away the name, I'll track you down and do something painful to you.)

Near the end, the main character is forced to leave a few friends behind in order to get help. Only the help she goes to get doesn't seem concerned with her friends, and only wants to get them both out of them - and he only wanted to get *himself* out of there before, the only reason he's getting her out of there now is that she happened to show up. Going back might be death. He tells her this. Why do you want to throw your life away? Let's just go and leave them. Think of yourself. She ends up attacking him at this point (note: this is a very stupid move considering the people involved. think physically-average human female vs. musclebound berserker.) Naturally, he wins, pins her to the ground and holds a knife to her throat, and demands to know whether she'd be willing to die for the others. Because going back might be doing just that.

Keep in mind that this guy is nuts enough to take "yes, I would" as a signal to cut her throat and go back for the others alone.

And she ends up yelling that yes, she would.

Sometimes you just have to do something without thinking of the consequences because it's the Right Thing To Do, and if you thought about it, you might not do it. I've gotten more than one person wondering how on earth I could take my clothes off in an even semi-public place.

It's easy. You just do it.

Has anyone here ever been stuck in bed because they can't stop thinking about how to get up? You think "okay, the first step is to pull the covers off", and you try to do it, and then you realize you haven't actually done it, you've just thought about it. This cycle can repeat for quite a long time, believe me :) The trick to breaking it is to stop thinking about it and just do it. No, don't *think* about stopping thinking about it and doing it - actually *do* it.

It's the same kind of thing. Don't think about what it means. If you think too much you won't want to do it. Just shut off your brain and do it.

It's the same thing with pain tolerance. More than once working on the computer I've got my finger trapped somewhere jammed. And it hurts a lot, and my first instinct is to pull it out, and usually that works but sometimes it doesn't. And I could keep tugging on it, or I could just ignore the pain and think about it logically.

it's weird, doing that. It's like all your normal checks and balances are suddenly gone - that you're abandoning the part of your brain that makes sure you're still doing sane thing. But, then again, I've been abandoning that for quite a while, which is maybe why it's easier.


current mood: thoughtful

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5:34a
Diablo II Expansion Pack! Now with even more random items for you to chuckle at!

The item I just found is known as a . . .

"Superior Zombie Head".

I'm not sure what exactly it is that today's consumers are looking for in the zombie head department, but whatever it is, this zombie head has 'em in spades!

(This still doesn't beat the Soldier's Long Staff of Performance or the Cap of Simplicity (useful for all those level 18 warriors who have not yet gotten enough strength to wear a leather cap.) But it comes close.)


current mood: amused

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5:56a
hrm.

My ex has asked me not to get in contact with her.

However, I bought a domain for her back when we were going out, and it's going to expire in a month or so . . . I don't know for certain, but it would be child's play for the registration service (or for a third party) to scan available domains and hold onto interesting ones. I *know* some of them do that. And there's a *big* fee to get it back from them.

So . . . tell her or not?

This whole being-moral thing is very confusing sometimes.


current mood: puzzled

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5:53p
this . . .

I wonder what it is about halloween.


current mood: . . .

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6:26p - yet another poll - mmm, logic puzzles

An explorer leaves his camp and walks one mile south, then one mile east, then one mile north. Miraculously, he come right back to where he started! Which hemisphere is he in?

Northern
14(53.8%)
Southern
1(3.8%)
Either
5(19.2%)
Neither
4(15.4%)
Don't know
2(7.7%)

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6:28p
Well, most people seem to have told me that I should tell her that her domain is expiring.

However, this begs the question . . .

how on earth do I get in contact with her?

>_<

I suppose I could assume she's got me on invisible on ICQ and send off a message that way. I don't particularly want to call her. I might be able to dig up an e-mail address, but I actually have no evidence that she even uses computers anymore.

hrm. I bet I could send her a mudmail . . . *laugh* that would probably work.

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10:33p
this is interesting, especially because it synches pretty well with stuff I've been saying, only I've had to add disclaimers for hopefully obvious reasons.

I've been linking a lot recently, haven't I?

I'm still thinking the mudmail option is the best for contacting my ex, because I'm unbelievably lazy and don't believe she'd let her character lapse for an enormous amount of time.

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