(but not done as comment because it's not really a comment), and most specifically, re: the part about "clinging to the safety of knowing I could hide things" . . .
for some reason I never want to hide anything. I don't want to have parts of me that people don't know about, because . . . well, then I've got to be on guard. I've got to make sure they don't escape. And then I can't be myself, and I have to be wasting a lot of energy internally when I'd rather be spending it externally.
just interesting difference.