January 11th, 2002



the thing about good program design is that it requires very little work to change. If you need to pull the thing apart and move pieces around, you can do it without cutting anything. It's rather like surgery. Would you rather cut the ribcage open, or just sort of bypass it?

good program design is a truly beautiful thing to behold.

I cannot put tonight into words. But it is good indeed, even though I don't know why. Everything pulls together wonderfully and iknowiknowiknow that once again this is Me, this is the childlike curious force that blazes deep inside and will fight past death for the things that are worth fighting past death for. This is the being that plays recursively and stands to the side to let the fun things run through each other.

it has been too too long, and it will be too long again, and that gives me a touch of sadness which I embrace to discover what it is and experience it again in full, but like dry ice to a flamethrower it sublimates at lightspeed-equivalent.

heee. it's so much fun to play with languagethoughtverseworld! I would dance if I had any need to, which I don't, because all and nothing is occuring at once inside simultaneously. (why dance when you can fly? why fly when you can dance? why do neither when you can do both, and why do both when you already are?)

The millions of technicolor CG streamers flick through like extended salmon, or rather, I race through them and watch them pulse and vibrate with the waveforms. and, ah, here's a series of waveforms I'm well acquainted with . . .

rainbow waterfalls, sunny liquid dreams

yes, I had her once, I did, and it was wonderful, or did she have me?

call me, call me, let me know it's alright

but that is over. she is gone, for what reason I do not never have never will know.

please won't you call and ease my mind

so what do I do now? answer, I find another! or anotheranothermanymultiple.

I had your number quite some time ago

and it's possible, I Know it is, it must be. rare, yes, a rarity that makes diamonds look like cheap glass with a hardness index under four, but they exist! they just must merely be found!

come on now, won't you ease my mind
reasons for me to find you
peace of mind
what can I do?

I can find another you. But not a you, a Her, or a Him, not a you because I've been with you, I've been you, and you pushed me away and didn't let me function, so is it my loss? of course it is, because bad things are always my loss because I want the best, but I shall move on anyway.

ease my mind

and I won't stop moving on, either.

because there's just so much beautywonderliferhythmflow out there!

so why stop here? why not move on, forever, and let those who wish to follow me follow me, and let those who wish to lead me lead me, and find the hidden paths and secret byways from those intrepid explorers who've been before me, and leave the static ones behind? Because that's all it's about, really, moving on and knowing what to leave behind.

And now I know what to leave behind.

yesfolks, this is me, this is the Real Pure 100% Zorba for your reading pleasure.

I won't be around forever. But I'll be around for a bit. And maybe I can find my way back sooner next time.

thanks go to those who deserve thanks. you know who you are. and if you don't know you're one of them . . . you might be anyway.
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ah. now I remember why that mood never lasts.

Just checked my grade, and I failed Intro to Philosophy. And I don't know what I got on metaphysics (they haven't posted it yet), but it sort of doesn't matter, because I don't have enough credits anyway.

Since I was on academic probation from last semester, this means suspension, unless I can talk my way out of it somehow, and I'm seriously doubting I can.

Which means spending about three quarters of a year at my mom's house, or . . . or I can't think of anything else.

I can't do that. I wouldn't survive it. I wouldn't even come close.

. . . what can I do?

. . . (help.)
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