May 9th, 2002


(no subject)

screw it.

this is me, this is my life, this is my journal, these are my thoughts.

this is the person who spent two weeks waiting for someone, being promised all the time that it'd be over soon, only to have them run off to Hawaii. (yeah. some over.)

this is the person who spent a week waiting for someone else, a year later. Guess what I was promised that time?

this is the person who actually fucking believed someone when they said that promises were really important to them.

And then did it all again with the next person.

And then, even after they'd broken two or three promises, was still willing to forgive them.

why, you ask. Why would I do such a colossally stupid thing. Because I've got few enough people I can trust anyway, and if I start doubting I won't stop. What sets them apart from the people who haven't broken my trust yet?

Of course, that's just as dumb of a question, because I just answered it.

is it any wonder I have no self-image whatsoever? Is it any wonder that my definition of "useful" is described almost entirely in terms of what I can't do?

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