July 11th, 2002


i like pleasure spiked with pain

haven't been writing much recently.

I guess some of it is just that I don't have much to say. The parts of me that aren't the emotional parts are just doing stuff. Working at a games company is fun. Moving in is dull, but also coming along. Life is functioning, even if I can't say any more than that.

The parts that are emotional . . . well, some of it is hoping for the next possibility. Some of it is knowing that the next possibility won't work. I'm feeling scarred and more than a little angry and definitely willing to bite back next time. (cornered dog.) I'm feeling like I want to take the offensive next time - that next time I'm not going to just let it happen to me.

I don't know, though. will it help? if I expect it to fall apart . . . will I hurt things by going on the offensive?

and I do expect everything to fall apart. I just always act like I don't, because that way I might not have to feel like it's my fault.

Mental partitioning. Have I talked about that on here?

Modern computer CPUs have the ability to sort of . . . split. Multitasking, really. Each program is completely seperate, as far as it's concerned, from the rest of the computer . . . they've got a little interface and not much else. So you can run three copies of a single app without any of them knowing a thing about each other.

Oddly enough, I can do the same thing with my mind . . . I can break it in two and set one half of it to be something else. I can attempt to predict how someone feels, how someone will react . . . well, that's an entirely different entry.

In any case. Even though I expect it to not work, I can act like I expect it to work, because the part of me that acts expects it to work.

Does that make any sense?

in any case. Life is continuing, somehow . . . and I guess I'm just waiting to find out what happens next.
  • Current Music
    Red Hot Chili Peppers - Aeroplane

(no subject)

Just so people know: I am no longer going to accept broad sweeping generalizations about categories of people without disclaimers or statements of opinions.


"Black people are disgusting." <-- BAD. I will yell at you.
"I think black people are disgusting." <-- I'll disagree, but that's your opinion.

("black people" picked because I wanted something that everyone would understand and, hopefully, see my position on. If you can't accept a little example, too bad.)

I will also refer to this entry.

Be prepared for me to come out of nowhere, since I don't believe that any of such things that I've heard have been intentional, which means that you won't be thinking that you're saying bad things.

Also note that if you say the second one, that I disagree with you on, you might want to rethink things unless you've got serious evidence on your side. Generalizations usually have exceptions.

(Guess what? Not all prejudices are racial or sexual! In fact, some prejudices might even be things that YOU BELIEVE! How weird is *that*?)
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated