August 7th, 2002


(no subject)

A judge in Manitoba acquitted a guy of rape after the victim testified that she was an acquaintance, did not escape from him when she had the chance, and failed to bite him during oral sex because "I'm not like that, I'm not a person who likes to be rude."

<ZorbaTHut> On Friday, a jury in Miami awarded a woman $20.9M in an auto crash. Although the crasher denied he was talking on a cellphone at the time of impact, surprise phone records showed that he was. The jury may also have upped the damages after listening to the crasher's lawyer argue that the victim, at age 79, shouldn't get very much money because, after all, she's old and (partly due to the accident) in poor health and thus not expected to live all that long. [Miami Herald, 12-15-01]
<_underdog> you know what this means?
<_underdog> you can crash into anyone talking on a cell and get paid for it

Authorities in Brownsville, Tex., still don't have independent evidence that Juan Martin Medrano killed anyone, though he has confessed to 32 murders; Medrano said on Friday from jail that, man, he never killed those people, that it was the potential book contract talking.

At first I thought that guy had his priorities screwed up.

Then I remembered how often rich people go to jail.

That's the scary part - that he might have the right idea!


Making world news today is the court in Sweden that ordered a certified sperm donor (i.e., not a parent in any ordinary definition of the word) to assume parental rights just because the lesbian couple he assisted have split up, and the child needs about $265 a month more to subsist on.

(no subject)

An 8-yr-old boy successfully performed a Heimlich maneuver on his teacher, based on no training and merely his having read how to do it in his mother’s day-planner; he said he was also prepared to do a tracheotomy with a pen knife if that didn’t work (Issaquah, Wash.)


I'll stop now.

(no subject)

<stevieo> I want to patent stupidity to prevent its use in the future
<Oax> stevieo: prior art

Hampden, Maine (Bangor suburb), cop pursues driver to question him about expired plates. Driver keeps going. Driver pulls into driveway to pretend like he’s home, hoping that will persuade cop to give it up. Cop stops in front of house. Driver knocks on door, asks to use phone. No. Driver knocks on neighbor’s door, same thing. Cop finally walks over to question driver, who pretends that the earlier pursuit never happened. Cop notices odor of alcohol, writes summons. Also, driver is 19; also driver has additional warrant outstanding. And finally, oh, that house that the driver originally stopped at to pretend like he was home: Well, that was the cop’s house, and the cop was sort of watching the whole thing, perhaps immobilized by incredulity, perhaps just playing rope-a-dope with the driver.

Bed! Going! Now! Spam! Stopping!