November 27th, 2002


(no subject)

I don't want her to hurt. I want to say it's okay, that I'll be all right.

except it's not okay. it hurts. I've been betrayed again, abandoned again, lied to again. By someone who promised they wouldn't do any of that, by someone who *knew* what it would do, how much it would hurt, how much I couldn't take it happening all over again. And I've said it anyway. I've said that it's okay, that I don't really mind, and I've done what I could to not mind . . .

and you know what? I mind. I don't like being stepped on. I don't like being used and exploited. I suppose I should be used to it, but I just don't like it. I loved her and did what I could for her, and I get dumped for it . . . again.

I'm tired of being used. And while I still care for her, I don't forgive her.

maybe i've just gotten too hardened.

(incidentally, something screwed up in my friends group - if you can read this, you should also be able to read this, and you may not have seen it because of the aforementioned glitch.)

(no subject)

oh yeah, this entry.

lessee. I don't think I ever answered the last three. well, the last four, but one of those still deserves an entry on its own.

"Do you wish you could have completed college and jumped on the great opportunity you did? Specifically at Oberlin, or in a more broad, general concept? Would you like to go back to college at any point?"

I'm actually planning to go back to college - probably not Oberlin, but go back. In a little over a year, if I can manage it (partially because that'll let me into the 2004 Topcoder collegiate *grin* and partially because this project should be over by then, or near so). I don't know why I want to go back, really . . . partially to learn some random stuff, partially to meet more people, partially to just tie up the loose ends, maybe. And maybe I'll drop out again.

"Um do you like memes?"

Sometimes they become memes because they're interesting, and those rock. Sometimes they become memes because people are sheep, and I don't bother with those.

Then there was that rather amusing "sheeple" one a while back, which, IMHO, was brilliant.

"How do you know what love really is?"

I don't.