December 8th, 2002


(no subject)

so I really don't know.

I talked to Naomi. and, eh. I like her. but this does not surprise me. I always did. and I honestly don't know if I can handle being around her.

"Hi Zorba! It's me again! And here's the guy who's better than you are, who intentionally sent you into one of the worst emotional spirals you've ever been in! Isn't he great? Now watch us make out for a while."

especially with the recent events taken into consideration. "I'm leaving you for someone better, and going to live somewhere else that you don't have the phone number or address to." Sound familiar? Yeah, does to me also.

*sigh* but what can I do? say "well, it's either me or her"? because then you'd be forced to choose. (and part of me doesn't want to do that because it's just not nice to you . . . and part of me doesn't want to do that because I can't believe you'd ever want to choose me.)

and i don't even know if i *could* handle it or not. maybe I could! maybe I couldn't. do I want to take the risk? do I want to end up leaving the theater in tears and going to call one of the few people who can pull me out of a spiral? can i risk it?

if i don't risk it, will it ever get better?

(will it ever get better anyway?)

I just don't know what to do. I'd feel bad saying that i couldn't be there. but i honestly don't know if i can. it hurts.

any suggestions? :/