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Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
1:52a
lonely nights suck.

I'm not sleepy, but there isn't anyone I really want to talk to online.

I want to learn someone new. I want to be interested in them, I want them to be interested in me (hah). I want to laugh and make jokes.

I guess I want to feel wanted.

It's kind of sad when you count "found out she wasn't interested after a week and a half, half of which was spent waiting for her to tell me so" among your best relationships.


current mood: lonely

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4:46a - musings on the subjects of intelligence, sex, respect, and philosophy
There's this guy I know named Corwin. I met him in #c++ on EFnet. He's smart. He's a tech. He's an interesting guy in a lot of ways. He has very little respect for idiots, and even less for manipulators. He doesn't use women, exactly . . . he'll bring them home and sleep with them, and not expect to have any sort of relationship. But it's okay, because he never decieves anyone in his intentions. If the girl wants casual sex, she gets it. If she doesn't, well, he'll go to bed with her anyway if she insists, but she's been warned, and he's not going to prioritize her. He's got friends - both male and female. You've got to take him on his own grounds - if you do, he's consistent. If you don't, well, you're an idiot (and we've already mentioned his feelings towards idiots.) He's cynical, he's caustic, some people realize pretty quickly they don't want to be around him - I personally am not one of those, I rather like him. He'll make his opinions heard. He's a bit of a loner, really . . . he'll survive with no trouble without good friends nearby. Hey, if he wants to be with someone, he can just go to a bar or a club and get laid. Oh, and he's a good writer.

There's this other guy I know who goes by the name of geekalpha. I imagine you can see where this is going. He's smart, he's a tech, he's interesting. He has little respect for idiots, and none for manipulators. He's definitely caustic at times, and seems a bit cynical. A lot of the other details I don't know specifically . . . I get the same feeling, but really, I don't know him all that well. After all, he's a loner. Oh, and he's a great writer.

I heard a few things about Corwin's past. One or two failed love affairs, when he was used . . . a bunch of idiots, a bunch of manipulation, growing intolerance all around. Apparently it took a while. I don't know if there was an event that was the "last straw" or not. I don't really know what he used to be, only that he sounded a lot like me. He always promised he'd take me out to a bar and get me laid someday, and if he was around right now (he's vanished for a bit . . . he'll be back eventually) I might take him up on it.

I've heard absolutely nothing about Geek Alpha's past. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if it was similar. It also wouldn't surprise me in the least if it was completely different.


There's this third guy I know, and it's me . . .


I guess I'm going the same way. Maybe this is a standard pattern, maybe this is what happens to intelligent tech idealists when they hit the real world. There's more than one submeaning to the word "users", and many of us seem to have gotten well-acquainted with all of them. We spend our days being logical, we spend our days knowing that lies don't work because computers do what you say, not what you mean, no matter how much you might wish it. And then we run full-force into the blindingly convoluted web of human emotions.

What's our reflex? We cut through it and just keep going . . . and some people give us hurt wounded looks, or blame us for their problems because we won't play along. And for a while we coddle them and feel bad about it (or maybe some of us don't), but then we get tired of it, we get tired of double standards, and we start giving others precisely the same tolerance for mistakes and obfuscation and downright lies that we give ourselves, precisely the same tolerance we're given by our tools, which is to say, absolutely none.


So I guess I'm turning into Corwin or Geek Alpha, which really isn't a bad thing from my perspective. I respect 'em both, and if I'm ever in the same city as either (not that I actually know what city that *is* for either of them, but that's not the point) I plan to buy 'em a beer. Things could be worse, after all.

Oh, and I like to think I'm a good writer.

--------------

On a completely related note, I want to go clubbing, or at least do *something* more social and random. This presents difficulties, mostly related to not knowing where to go in Seattle that doesn't suck and not knowing the rules, whether they be spoken, unspoken, written, unwritten, or, in fact, totally obscure. Searching the internet for guides has proven fruitless (though in retrospect, this is totally unsurprising, and any guide on the Internet on how to have a social life should probably be taken with a grain of salt anyway.) Most of my friends are, if anything, even more antisocial than I am (yes, this is impressive, and yes, there are exceptions), so asking around poses problems. Anyone got suggestions/guides/pointers/offers to take me out? I'd just go and experiment, but I figure there are a limited number of places, and thus I don't particularly want to end up blacklisted from anything :P

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3:35p
As much as I hate diverting attention from my last entry (because it's actually meaningful, and isn't just an "ooh, shiny" kind of thing) . . .

Oooh! Shiny!

The Eve Online site put up some more information, and . . . wow. Yeah. Reading over some of the beta team's diaries, I can see why a lot of people don't like it. Apparently they're doing some *real* corporation work - corporations that aren't just "groups of players who chat together", but are real companies. And that looks seriously sweet. Not everyone's cup of tea. But . . . yeah. Wow.


current mood: impressed

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6:49p - idea of the day
GWB Speech Buzzword Stock Exchange.

Set up virtual "stocks" representing a bunch of common words, phrases, or ideas he's likely (or unlikely) to say: for example, "evil", "terrorist/terrorism", "war", "economy", "crush the anti-americans" - or, on the opposite side of the spectrum, "antidisestablishmentarianism", "clean energy", and "free choice to all".

The moderator would have to record his speeches, go through, and find all instances of each phrase used. Each instance would pay out a specific amount, per share. For example, if you had ten shares of "evil" and a hundred shares of "crush the anti-americans", GWB saying "We must destroy the evil terrorists who threaten our lifestyle" would pay out 110 buzzbucks. Obviously someone with two hundred shares "terrorist/terrorism" would get 200 buzzbucks.

Of course, you could buy and sell shares at will - popular shares would increase in cost, unpopular shares would decrease. If you decided to corner the market in cheap "clean energy" shares and suddenly GWB got paid off by nuclear power activists, you'd make a killing - not only due to the payouts, but you could also sell your shares for a truly spectacular amount.

Even better, there's no reason we should limit this to GWB. Let it continue for all eternity, attaching itself to whoever's declared president at the time. Watch the economic turmoil the first time a third party is elected. Point and laugh when GWB's ratings drop and people start investing in "pro-choice" just to hedge their bets. You can invest in countries if you think we're likely to go to war with them (or, alternatively, ally with them/provide them with free food that may or may not be poisoned.)

I'd actually consider writing this up, but I don't know how to handle realistic stock-market calculations for small numbers of people . . . though I suppose I could just have buy/sell thresholds set, and let it balance itself through that.

It's a thought.


current mood: entertained

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8:07p
for lilsquishy:

Anarchists used modern art to torture prisoners


current mood: amused

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10:27p
Speed is cool. Moving fast is very neat. Game designers recognize this instinctively.

However, when chasing something moving quickly (say, a hovertruck) in something much faster (say, a jet fighter), please make sure the directions are correct.

For example: I do not care that the hovertruck is, relatively speaking, moving towards the jet fighter. It doesn't matter. I do not believe that the truck is driving at several hundred miles per hour BACKWARDS.

Please make the trucks move FORWARDS instead.

Then it will look much, much cooler.

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