Opponent> Well, Well, Ran! It's been a handred years since we last met here.
Me> Oh, it's Realy Till, the dragon girl!
Me> And you've even brought Drapy? What's the deal?
Realy> This is not the time for small talk, our countries have been at war for 10000 years!
Realy> Get a clue!
Me> Uh, I'll give you chocolate. Just pretend you didn't see us.
And with those words, THE BATTLE BEGINS!
BUT WAIT! IT GETS BETTER!
After I beat Realy Till, the dragon girl, we move on, to fight . . . three strange furry blobs!
Me> Hmm? What's this strange thing?
Blob> nawwwnjaa monjaaa
My pet cat, with glasses on, looking into a book> They call that a "Nanja Monja."
My pet cat, continuing> This book says they are usually very shy creatures.
Me> Oh, that's good.
My pet cat, continuing more> But it also says they hate little girls with blond hair, red clothes and ribbons!
*SHOCK*! Guess what *I* am!
This could be bad.
My pet cat, letter-for-letter, please make the pain stop> If the see such a girl they attack at once! MeeooWOW!!
The furry blob icon is now glaring at me, btw.
Blob> bam, bam, bam, BAM, BAM, BAM--!
Me and cat> Heeeyaaaa!!
AND THE BATTLE BEGINS!
At this point I should explain that at no point are we actually contacting each other in this battle - we're blowing up things that fall from the sky, and if we blow up lots of them in a chain reaction, we cause *more* things to fall on the opponent's side. Eventually they (or me) get hit with too many things and they (or me) die. So "attack at once" is sort of a metaphor for "enter into a strange convoluted battle involving birds that change color", or, in this case, some variety of what appears to be flying clams.
After defeating Nanja Monja (which says "Nanja Monja" when it dies), I apparently have access to the next world. I can tell because I get a picture of my character, standing in front of a castle, in full magical-girl costume with a plastic sword, saying "Access to the next world!!" It's worth mentioning that "Access" is bright blue.
Our next opponent appears to be a pair of scantily clad faeries.
Opponent> You can't give such a dangerous job to her highness!
Other opponent> If anything were to happen to her highness, weee'd be . . .
Both opponents> What should weee do?
Both opponents> Everything's okaeey. Leeeave it to us!
heart . . . stopping . . . too . . . many . . . intentional . . . misspellings . . .
My cat> Meowwr . . . I feel like I'm on a big boatummrs.
*falls over dead*
Both opponents> You worry yourself needlessly.
*perks back up*
My cat> Mwrooowr . . . I don't trust youuoumms.
*falls over again*
Me> It's Rabicat's fault!
Ah. This would explain why my cat has those gigantic ears.
Apparently blaming something on your cat is a killable offense to these people - or, rather, a "shoot flying gas bags with eyebrows and make them change colors and eventually explode, causing fireballs to rain down on the other player"able offense.
The next group of opponents apparently ride a flying pencil. I'm not going to say anything else about them, except for my character's victory speech.
Me> I'm so hangry. I wonder what's for lunch!
Truer words were never spoken.
In fact, I think I'll stop here.
It's safer for everyone's sanity.