I helped her. I taught her everything I could. I got her out of there when she needed to (and she did definitely need to.) I did everything I possibly could for her, and what do I get out of it? A few weeks that were nice because I had a girlfriend (even though she wasn't in Seattle), maybe a few days that were really good because I had a girlfriend *here* . . . and then weeks of pain.
and she's probably with him now, too. she took me off her friends list (hah. "I still love you." yeah right. heard that before.) but not him. (I did all this for her, and she falls in love with someone else in the meantime, then dumps me. Isn't that just wonderful.) She's wanted to go to one meal with me, and then cancelled it. Besides that it's been nothing.
I sort of want to ask. I want to try to get in contact with her. But I've done that before. I've tried. It hurts. I just want it to be over completely, but it won't be. It's only a matter of time before I learn that they're going out, and then . . . well, they won't break up of course, because They're In Love. (and what am I? just some poor sap who's not worth the attention.)
and there was so much stuff I wanted to do with her. and she said we'd spend a lot of time together.
and stupid me, I was actually looking forward to it. I can't believe I'm such an idiot sometimes. why would I ever expect something like that to really happen? why would I expect someone to want to spend time with me, when there are other people available also?
I feel used (again) and taken advantage of (again). I hate being exploited. I hate being stepped on. I hate being someone's tool.
but maybe I should just get used to it. because it doesn't seem like it's going to change.
I really hate myself sometimes.