Zorba the Hutt (zorbathut) wrote,
Zorba the Hutt

So there were three major things in my life that were stressing me out.

One of them was having very severe issues with whether I was getting kicked out of the local group of friends or not. This has been resolved and things are worked out.

One of them was Geli. This hasn't been resolved yet, but we've both agreed we want to talk, and this is a very good step. So while it's still a bit of a stress catalyst, it's nowhere near what it was before.

And the last one was Naomi.

Now, I'm currently in the mood to list in excruciating detail every single thing she did that hurt me badly or that I felt was totally unfair (note that those two things intersect far more than they're seperate.) I won't, out of respect for the fact that I might be wrong on some of them and, really, if I went that much into detail I'd feel morally obliged to try yet again to get her side of the story, which ain't happening.

But I'll try to summarize the recent events with a small amount of very vague backstory:

(1) Naomi breaks up with me.
(2) Following an attempt of mine to get in contact with her, she tells me not to get in contact with her under any circumstances - she'll tell me when she's ready.
(3) A year and a half later, she contacts my friends (note: not me) saying she wanted to go to LotR.
(4) They relay her request to me, I tell them that I want *her* to ask me.
(5) She does. I think about it. I find myself totally unable to say "yes" due to issue #2 listed up there. The only other alternative being "no", that's what I say.
(6) I try to make it clear that I want to meet her in person before meeting her in a group setting.
(7) Conversation breaks down - she doesn't respond to a message.
(8) I try again and conversation starts again. I say again that I'd like to meet her in person.
(9) See step 7.
(10) She shows up at my house with no warning whatsoever.
(11) After she leaves without much talk between us, I send her a message asking her not to do that again.
(12) She doesn't respond for two weeks. Note that this is not to imply that she ever responded (she didn't), merely that it took two weeks to get to step 13.
(13) She shows up at my house with no warning whatsoever - uninvited by anyone in the house, this time, unlike step 10.
(14) I break down.
(15) In an effort to stay sane, I set up a meeting with her. Due to my current inability to say more than two words without nearly breaking into tears (and there's two people who read this who can vouch for this), I get a friend to do it. Meeting is set up, effectively dealing with issue #3 for the time being.
(16) I go home and find an email that deals with issue #2 and brings it to its current (much better) state.
(17) I watch two movies with friends, then deal with issue #1.
(18) I go upstairs and find that Naomi has cancelled the meeting.

Now I'll admit that this deals with issue #3 quite nicely, albeit in a completely different way. I give up - she doesn't want to talk to me, and so I'll return the favor.

I mean honestly. I'm *trying* here, what do you want me to do?

well, if you really want to know . . . she wants me to apologize . . . for what I'm not sure. But I think I'll paste a few ICQ messages in. Keep in mind that I don't believe a single one of these was conducted live (okay, admittedly only two of them even involve a conversation) and were all sent when the other person wasn't online. I am honestly curious about people's reactions. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not, and I'd like to hear what people think about these.

Zorba the Hutt: honest question. do you want to be my friend?
Naria: yes, but i don't think it's going to happen right now
Zorba the Hutt: *shrug* I'm not going to pretend it's going to be trivially easy :P I've got trust issues like you wouldn't believe, both with you in particular and with people in general. on the other hand, retreating into silence isn't going to help matters either.
Naria: yeah, well, don't think you're the only one with issues. civility would be a good place to start. anything beyond that comes later.
Zorba the Hutt: when did I ever say I was the only one with issues? anyway, I don't see where I'm not being civil :P I've gotten rather sarcastic and acerbic, unfortunately, but *shrug* take me literally, because that's how I meant it. silence *isn't* going to help, and that seems to be what we both find easiest a lot of the time.

Step 7 occurs in this space.

Zorba the Hutt: seems likely you've dropped the conversation from ~1month ago, so I thought I'd just mention that I'm still willing to try being friends. *shrug* and I'll now drop it until I get a reply, I guess.
Naria: sure, let's be friends
Zorba the Hutt: what, just like that? :P well, if you want to be friends, we should meet at some point and talk.

Steps 9 and 10 occur in this space.

Zorba the Hutt: don't know how well you're going to take this, but I'd much prefer if you didn't show up in my house without any warning. I wasn't ready to deal with you and it definitely didn't help in the least.

Steps 12 through 17 occur in this space. For obvious reasons, I don't have a copy of the phone conversation which involved us setting up a meeting.

Naria: i said i was going to go over there tomorrow, but i've thought better of it. you've been a jerk to me for over 2 years now. you've tried to separate me not only from you but also from all of our mutual friends, and now you appear to be willing to talk only because they won't exclude me as completely as you'd like. i've been willing to respect that - too much, probably. i don't think you're planning to apologize or i might be willing to try yet again to talk to you. as it is, icq me if you have something you want to say to me.


I will admit there are two parts she got completely right and that I do not disagree with. I *wasn't* planning to apologize. I've been going over it repeatedly, and I cannot think of a single thing I would want to apologize for that I haven't already. I wasn't expecting her to apologize to me either, incidentally.

And I will definitely ICQ her if there's something I want to say to her.

*closes ICQ window*


Incidentally, I'm planning to get a Spider Jerusalem userpic (yes, yes, I know, but it's a *fun* bandwagon) solely for entries where I feel like being angry and telling the truth as I see it without sugarcoating. (See, at least I'm planning to use it well!) This has not happened due to the scanner owner going to bed. Wait for it.
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