Zorba the Hutt (zorbathut) wrote,
Zorba the Hutt

to talk with or not to talk with

I really don't know, and I'm not sure why I'm posting this either . . .

Here I am in Seattle, a three-hour walk (not impossible, I've done such things), 45-minute bus ride, or ten-second phone call from my ex.

And I still don't know if I want to talk to her or not.

I mean, I know I still feel for her. I know I want to be friends, consciously. Subconsciously, I don't have a *clue*. I don't know if I want to see her so I can convince her I really *do* want to be friends, or so I can finally figure out what *actually* happened, or so I can yell at her, or so I can get together with her again (yes, okay, I realize this last one is not even remotely logical, but the entire point is that not only am I aware that my logical center isn't in control here, but it is in fact shrugging and saying "I don't know what you're thinking here, what are you looking at me for?").

So what do I do?

Note that I think I've pretty conclusively demonstrated that "just forget about her" is impossible over the last six months, so it's not an option. "Spend yet more time trying to get over it yourself and don't even consider giving her the pleasure of hearing you trying to get in contact with her again" is, however, if this is the sort of thing you'd suggest.

Any ideas? :/

(best thing I've come up with so far - ye olde fashioned communication methode, Write A Lettere.)

(and should I show her this or not? geez, the whole thing practically *started* when I opened up to her on a level to which I have only opened up to five people in my life.)
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