Zorba the Hutt (zorbathut) wrote,
Zorba the Hutt
zorbathut

  • Mood:
mostly unimportant, except for the author's notes:

"I think this is why most actors can't maintain healthy relationships-- when you fake emotion so powerfully, it's hard to tell which feelings are real."

Which is an interesting thought . . . I don't do things half-way. I don't dabble in universes. I dive in head-first. When I want to really experience a world, I *experience* it . . . I don't watch Spike's relationship with Julia, I fall in love with Julia myself. I don't watch Hitomi try to decide between Van and Allen - *I* try to decide. I feel her emotions. I become her, partly, and when it's over, it's another facet that I can bring to the foreground if I need it. Mostly I just stick to a melange of the aspects I want to use as myself, but if I need to, I can change my mind, actually convince myself of an entirely seperate set of facts.

I know magic doesn't exist. I know the world is scientific. I also know that magic *does* exist. Some days I can feel it and even bend it a little (a very little). If someone asked me which of those I truly believed in . . . well, it's a null question. It's like asking whether a computer is, on the hardware level, a Windows box or a Linux box. It's not either - it's just a matter of what software it happens to be running at the time. Which version of me is running at the time?

And I think, in a lot of ways, people don't deal with this well. I can't blame them. But when no question has a real definitive answer, when I *know* there's no such thing as black-and-white or even as grayscale - when I *know* the only thing giving me answers to questions is asking myself what I want the answers to be - well, it can get strange.

When things as major as love and hate aren't even fixed concepts . . .
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