Zorba the Hutt (zorbathut) wrote,
Zorba the Hutt

I keep thinking that my journal has gotten really boring. Then I go and read over it and think "okay, it's not as bad as I thought, but . . . meh."

I think part of it is that I'm not doing anything meaningful at work, plus I don't want to bore people with long technical descriptions. Yeah, I know, "it's my journal" and all that, but honestly, if I start going off on how error quadrics for model polyreduction cause strange coloring artifacts at normal discontinuities, most of you are going to start scratching your heads. (Incidentally, I tracked down the artifact, though I'm still not sure why it happened - just added a hack to detect it and clean it up. I need to go over that algorithm again and really prove it works better, there have got to be bugs in it.)

Another part of it is . . . well, this amazingly complete lack of trust I have in humanity right now. I don't trust people at all - there's perhaps two that I *can* really trust, and even with those it's a struggle. I'm not about to start writing about my feelings - even if I do want to - because I don't feel safe. Hopefully, I'll feel safe once I can get out of this city. Possibly, I won't.

Basically, if you want to know what's actually going on in my life, you're probably gonna have to ask me.

I've actually considered putting my journal entirely on hiatus for a while. There's nothing meaningful I can write in it right now - it's just a repository for cute quotes and the occasional rant. But that wouldn't really help anything - instead of not being full of meaningless stuff, it'd just be empty, and that isn't much of an improvement.

So I dunno. I just want to get *out* of here, you know? Marking time waiting for the various things that have set dates to finish . . . it sucks, but there's nothing else I can do right now that means much to me. Bleah.

I'm lonely. But I don't expect that to change. So I'll live with it.
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