1. d2-d4 g8-f6
2. c2-c4 f7-g6
3. b1-c3 f8-g7
4. e2-e4 d7-d6
5. g1-f3 Qrs-e5
At this point, Karpov tries a new tack with Qrs-e5 (Queen from right sleeve to e5).
6. f1-e2 e7-e5
Kasparov obviously hasn't noticed Karpov's innovative move. Karpov returns to traditional play.
7. c1-e3 Blb-g3 / JbKS
Under the subtle cover of JbS (Jackboot to Kasparov's shin), Karpov introduces a third bishop into play.
8. LIF-KRE d8-e7
Kasparov responds with his trademark LIF-KRE (Left index finger to Karpov's right eye).
9. d4Xe5 $^$%#$
Karpov instinctively howls in pain and immediately offers uncouth theories concerning the likely species of Kasparov's parentage to general audience.
10. Q-KLN Q-KLN
Mutual exchange of Queen to opponent's left nostril.
GAME SUSPENDED FOR TEN MINUTES BY JUDGE
11. c3-d5 e7-d8
It appears the hostility between the chess masters has subsided.
12. SsKH BRHAKH
It appears the judge was mistaken. 10-pound sledgehammer swung by Kasparov in a bold attempt to pin down Karpov's head.(SsKH) Karpov immediately falls back on the classic Beretta Defense (9mmRc-HsAKH - 9mm pistol removed from concealed shoulder holster and aimed at Kasparov's heart)
13. KRMcC ...
Kasparov revs hidden McCulloch chainsaw.
GAME DECLARED A DRAW BY OFFICIALS
14. KRTT-JF KRTT-JF
Both express extreme displeasure at judges' decision and cunningly respond with the little-known Rin-Tin-Tin Gambit (politely urinating at judges' feet)
Kasparov and Karpov removed forcibly from arena by angry policemen.
Game 3 is obviously over. Now, for a play-by-play analysis, Mikel Erickson and Michel Joseph from the World Chess Federation.
Erickson: You know, I really feel that Kasparov took control of the match when he attempted to pierce Karpov's cornea. I thought that took real determination, and proved Kasparov's dominance in the cutthroat world of chess.
Joseph: Unfortunately, I can't agree with your assessment of the situation. I'm squarely behind Karpov here. Kasparov didn't display any of the personal integrity I think is critical for a champion. I liked Karpov's honesty with his fifth move, but the way Kasparov concealed that sledgehammer just goes to prove you can't judge a book by its cover.
Erickson: Oh yeah! Well, let me tell you what I think of a certain chess commentator I'm being forced to share this mike with!