So it suddenly occured to me that UCLA, one of the colleges I applied to, had early filing dates partially because they had early start dates. I check the website and, lo and behold, college started yesterday. Note that I still haven't gotten an acceptance or a denial letter. So I call them and give me my information. They say that, yes, they sent a letter out in August. I say I never got it, and can they tell me what it said?
No. They can't. They're not allowed to give that information out over the phone. But they are willing to mail it again, and it will arrive in four to six weeks.
"But doesn't that eliminate any slim chance I might have of attending your college? I mean, even if it's an acceptance, which you're not telling me."
"Well, if you're accepted, you'll have to send us a confirmation of acceptance by October."
"You mean last October."
"So, if you accepted me, you'll let me know two months from now. At which point I must send you a letter three months ago saying that I'm coming to the college, then catch a plane today to arrive roughly in time."
"Are you sure you can't just tell me?"
" . . . Hold on a second."
"The letter was a denial."
Guess I'm hoping for Stony Brook now.