1) Contrary to what they told me when I called, apparently a Washington State ID and a credit card is *not* good enough for registering a card. I need a state ID, a credit card, a bank card, a social security card, and a school ID with an official transcript, which, of course, I wasn't aware of when I was *at school* as opposed to halfway across Long Island in the DMV.
2) Also contrary to what they told me when I called, merely *having* auto insurance isn't good enough - I also need the piece of plastic the auto insurance people send me. The one that is - with luck - on its way to my legal residence on the other side of the country. And without luck, isn't yet on its way to my legal residence on the other side of the country.
3) The person who sold me the car - the one who clearly didn't believe I could drive stick shift, and who repeated his instructions several times before I ended up cutting him off - filled out the forms wrong.
4) Summary: I need a official transcript *and* my social security card, and my auto insurance card, *and* the right forms, all of which are currently impossible, in order to register my car and get license plates.
5) Without plates, I can't drive it. Therefore it is marooned in South P.
6) Any car in South P without a parking permit is liable to be towed.
7) I can't get a parking permit without license plates.
So basically, thanks to something on the order of half a dozen people in a row feeding me useless information or just plain screwing me over, I've just bought a car that's useless for two weeks and will probably end up impounded in the process.
This is just fucking wonderful.