Zorba the Hutt (zorbathut) wrote,
Zorba the Hutt

I suppose I could just post this twice, but then the comments will be all wonky. Posted an amusing entry to roleplayers - at least, I hope it's amusing :) Entry link here.

In other news . . . I don't seem to be posting much. I've been having massive mood swings, it seems . . . oh, hold on, lemme explain.

See, there's this girl.

And how many people out there *didn't* expect that to be the next line? :P really, you ought to know me better than that . . .

But anyway. There's this girl :) Who is wonderful. I don't remember enough about when I met my ex anymore to compare well . . . but we get along *wonderfully*. long rambling conversations about everything and anything. I mean, one conversation, and it lasted, like, >1/2hr, and would've lasted longer except I had to go help my mom with math homework. This girl is great. Yeah, maybe she's not *perfect*, but she's close close close. And she likes me! At least as a friend. Which is fantastic, and all. *and* she comes from my hometown, *and* she goes to the same college as I do (which is how I met her), and really, do I have to say anything more?

And then, of course, it all turns around on me, because, really, why would she want me? And how can I think that I can be with her? Now, hold on, before I get a flood of replies saying "but you're a good person!", lemme explain a little. See, she's theater, and I'm computer. Basically. And . . . just One Of Those Things seems to be computer people can talk sort of one-on-one with people in other fields. I mean, I wouldn't understand, say, high-level econ, or high-level math, immediately. But I could start picking it up, and I could provide enough of a foil for people to bounce things off of, which is something I like doing.

But it don't work the other way around. I can rant on about how cool it is that you can do template polymorphism, only it won't *mean* anything until I explain templates pretty well. And polymorphism. And data structures, and at least a little object-oriented theory. It all builds on itself so quickly, and it doesn't parallel anything in the Real World all that well.

So, and I come back to where I was, why would she be interested in me?

heh, reading over this, it sounds like I was leading up to "but I wouldn't be able to talk to her about what *I'M* interested in" . . . and while that would be nice, if I restricted my relationships to *that*, I'd have so so so few prospects that I'd probably just give up now. So I don't.

And the other thing . . . which is that I don't know if she's been damaged. And, really . . . can an undamaged person really understand a damaged person? I don't know. Could she realize that if I say something like "I need you" I'm only saying it out of pure desperation, that I'm likely to hold her and cry for an hour because I can't do anything else?

. . . and of course, the answer to that is pretty much no . . .

but I might try anyway. Maybe it would work out.

(but she's so unattainable!) Well . . . maybe *much* later . . . there are others who I want to be with also, who are safer in the way that I already know we can talk and hopefully help each other. So maybe later.

life is strange, it is . . .

On a completely different note, I think I did something odd to a tendon or a nerve in my hand while taking off one of the bracelets I made in jewelry class - I definitely tweaked something, and now my fingers are tingling a bit, and are, gack, insanely sensitive. For me, that's saying a lot - I'm already uberphysicallysensitive. Actually, I'm not sure they're tingling more than Feeling Everything - all those little hidden things that generally get filtered out. Weird. Anyway . . . guess that's it for the night.
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