I know where I'm going to spend my energy. I've got the next five years or so planned out - and then I've got a few decades past that planned out also, in lesser detail. I might change my mind, and often I decide to make some variations on my plan. Everything's always a *bit* hazy.
But essentially, I know what I'm going to spend my life doing.
Sometimes, though, it feels like I'm being forced through this. I don't need to spend *all* my energy on this path, right? I should have some for myself. And yet whenever I think I might be given a little bit more of a release valve, I get smacked down again. Sorry. That's not allowed. Go back to what you were doing.
I mean, sheesh, it's not even subtle now.
I definitely can't use this journal for my Writing About Games. I need this one to write in for me, once in a while. I guess I'm not entirely past the Emo stage. Maybe I should post some Nickelback lyrics.
The problem with being me is that you're always tripleguessing yourself. Why am I doing this? Why am I saying this? Am I being too vague, or not vague enough? Am I trying to manipulate people? Should I stop?
I'm not looking for anything when I post like this. I mean, I realize that's a classic way of saying "please pay attention to me", but it's honestly true. It's just a way of getting stuff that I don't want in my head out of my head. It's close to the only release valve I've got, and once in a while I just need to unravel some of the worst tangles and put them here. (How's that for a mixed metaphor.)
I'm doing pretty damn well overall, though. I don't need this often, and not nearly as badly as I used to. I guess, for me at least, that's something to be proud of.
We now return you to your regular programming.