Zorba the Hutt (zorbathut) wrote,
Zorba the Hutt
zorbathut

I know what I want to do with my life.

I know where I'm going to spend my energy. I've got the next five years or so planned out - and then I've got a few decades past that planned out also, in lesser detail. I might change my mind, and often I decide to make some variations on my plan. Everything's always a *bit* hazy.

But essentially, I know what I'm going to spend my life doing.

Sometimes, though, it feels like I'm being forced through this. I don't need to spend *all* my energy on this path, right? I should have some for myself. And yet whenever I think I might be given a little bit more of a release valve, I get smacked down again. Sorry. That's not allowed. Go back to what you were doing.

I mean, sheesh, it's not even subtle now.

----------

I definitely can't use this journal for my Writing About Games. I need this one to write in for me, once in a while. I guess I'm not entirely past the Emo stage. Maybe I should post some Nickelback lyrics.

----------

The problem with being me is that you're always tripleguessing yourself. Why am I doing this? Why am I saying this? Am I being too vague, or not vague enough? Am I trying to manipulate people? Should I stop?

I'm not looking for anything when I post like this. I mean, I realize that's a classic way of saying "please pay attention to me", but it's honestly true. It's just a way of getting stuff that I don't want in my head out of my head. It's close to the only release valve I've got, and once in a while I just need to unravel some of the worst tangles and put them here. (How's that for a mixed metaphor.)

I'm doing pretty damn well overall, though. I don't need this often, and not nearly as badly as I used to. I guess, for me at least, that's something to be proud of.

We now return you to your regular programming.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 5 comments