The first day or three, yeah, that was good. Calming. Excellent. But now . . . now I'm just sort of going, and not for the purpose of awesomeness, just for the purpose of going. With very few exceptions, I'm not particularly looking forward to the next location out there, I'm not particularly looking forward to driving further or seeing things. I'm merely driving because I've said I'm going to. That's not ideal.
Thinking isn't helping much either. My mind's reasonably clear. I know what the problems are. I don't have a fucking clue how to fix them, but I've been mulling over them for days and all I'm really accomplishing now is depressing myself, which, honestly, is not really the goal.
Fundamentally, I think I've seen enough trees for the next year or two.
So: First, I am seriously considering going fuck-cars and taking the ferry back down to Seattle. Oh yeah, I'm in Anchorage. I forgot to mention that. Anyway. I need to get to Seattle anyway for PAX, there's no question there, so I'm probably gonna end up doing that (I'll need to make a reservation in about three days, and it means I'm here for over a week, but, hey.)
After that I have no fucking clue.
Things I'm considering, on various levels:
* Holing up and spending a month burning through video games in the hopes of shocking my brain back into sanity.
* Holing up and spending a month power-raiding in World of Warcraft in the hopes of shocking . . . oh fuck it I'll just assume that last part is appended to each of these
* Flying to the East Coast, then bus-tripping around the east coast to visit various people in the hopes etc
* Doing a Major Convention Blitz and pick up every major scifi/gaming/anime con I can, for a month or two
* Hawaii. Find hostel. Stay there.
* Seeing if I can land that job I got pinged about a bit back as "Senior Engineer" (yeah this is in the "rest" category. My brain, right now, is bored like you wouldn't believe)
* Hell, seeing if I can land that job I got pinged about a bit back as . . . manager? Lead designer? I can't even remember what it was. I dunno. Maybe it's open. Probably not.
* I have no fucking clue.
Fundamentally this is what it all comes down to at the moment: I have no sense of direction. I've lost my muse, quite a while back, and I'm just . . . drifting. With no idea of where I want to go from here or what I want to do. The universe is sending me pretty unambiguous signals that This Is The Wrong Way To Go, but it hasn't given me a sense of what's the right way to go for quite a while.
I dunno. Whatever used to be in this brain of mine . . . just isn't there anymore.
Hi there. This is zorbathut, or was. Before that I was someone else. Now I don't know who I am, or what I'm for.