So next year's creeping up at quite a pace. And that gets me thinking - what did I do this year?
I played games . . . I watched anime. I made a few friends. I spent a phenomenal amount of energy to keep my girlfriend . . . and we all know how that turned out. I worked on my compiler . . . it's further than it's ever been, and yet I seem to be stuck. Not because I don't know how to proceed - I do - but because it just . . . doesn't seem interesting.
What do I want to do, really? At the moment . . . not a whole lot. I just wish this was over, or it hadn't happened, or something. And yet I know that I'll go to dinner, and laugh and joke, and come back and do math homework. Then rouse myself at 8:45 for art class. And I still don't know why I'm doing all this.
I figured it out once . . . I was doing all this so that I could learn how people work, so I could make people happy and improve the world. Except I know how that turned out - that exact attempt lost me what I wanted most.
It's snowing outside, and my computer is playing the end music to Cowboy Bebop. I think this means something. I know not what.
everything is clearer now
life is just a dream, ya know
that's never ending
someday I'll pick up the compiler again. I know where the stubs are. #include handling, #if parsing, macro replacement. And #line. And I know how to do all these, and then (after cleaning up all those little error message stubs I've got) this phase is finished, and I've got a fully functional parser and preprocessor. Then just parse the language itself. Easy, easy, easy. Just . . . takes time. And I've only got so much . . . and it seems like I'm wasting it anyway.
So what do I do? What do I *want* to do?
Dinner, I guess. Just got an IM about it. Maybe I'll be saner after I've eaten.
The sky outside is yellow, and it's still snowing.